Tuesday, 23 December 2008

Highway to a Hellish Motion

It would be getting partisan to suggest that AC/DC are rubbish, which they are, but if we are to let the motions database go unchecked then nonsensical, and trivial guff can be allowed to be published. Is Christine the new George Foulkes?

*S3M-3151Christine Grahame:AC/DC - We Salute You—That the Parliament recognises the significant musical contribution of rock band AC/DC, whose founding members, Angus and Malcolm Young, moved from Scotland to Australia and joined with Bon Scott, another Scottish émigré, to create what has become a musical legend with the band selling an estimated 150 million albums worldwide and establishing themselves as one of the best-selling rock bands of all time; notes that the popularity of AC/DC continues to grow and welcomes their forthcoming performance at Scotland’s national football stadium on 30 June 2009, and finally acknowledges the musical inspiration that the band has provided to thousands of Scottish musicians who have themselves gone on to great international success.

Sunday, 21 December 2008

CHC Budget - 100K

Interesting Press Release, admittedly from the SNP, that shows that through his obscene and wasteful PQs(as we have so lovingly presented to the viewing public), have cost the taxpayer a whopping £100,000. From this PQ and answer:

S3W-17445 - Ian McKee (Lothians) (SNP) (Date Lodged Monday, November 03,
2008): To ask the Scottish Executive, further to the answer to question
S3W-6776 by Bruce Crawford on 18 December 2007, whether an updated
estimate of the financial cost of answering a written parliamentary
question is available.

Answered by Bruce Crawford (Monday, November 10, 2008): Following a review
by the Scottish Government Finance Administration, the average cost of
answering a written parliamentary question is calculated to be £98.51.

I assume, as is not explicitly mentioned in the release, that Foulkes has asked around 1000 PQs for this to add up.

A new Favourite of mine to remind you why he is worth the money, and why this blog exists:

S3W-17351 - George Foulkes (Lothians) (Lab) (Date Lodged Thursday, October
30, 2008): To ask the Scottish Executive how many Saltire-branded space
hoppers it has ordered for the purposes of celebrating St Andrew’s Day
2008; where they were manufactured; what the item price is, and what the
overall cost was of production.

Friday, 19 December 2008

Classic Kenny

Nothing to add on this to be honest. The man is a hero!

Short Title: Making the Parliament More Scottish
S3M-03150 Kenneth Gibson (Cunninghame North) (SNP): That the Parliament recognises Scotland’s phenomenal contribution to world civilisation over recent centuries in medicine, science, literature, philosophy, exploration and a host of other fields; shares the disappointment of many visitors from home and abroad that the Parliament building barely reflects this; is aware that in the heart of the Parliament one could be in almost any country; believes that in the Year of Homecoming this should be rectified; considers that rooms such as TG.21, Q1.03 and Committee Room 1 and the Garden Lobby would each be better named, and should be themed, after individual Scots who have contributed both to making Scotland the nation it is today and to the creation of the modern world, and urges the Scottish Parliamentary Corporate Body to, imaginatively and decisively, give the Parliament the identity it needs.

Tuesday, 16 December 2008

Any need for this?

We have seen some guff motions from some quarters recently, but is there really any need to waste time and resources with crap like this?

S3M-03109 Kenneth Gibson (Cunninghame North) (SNP): That the Parliament congratulates SNP councillor Anthea Dickson, elected on 11 December 2008 to serve the people of Kilbirnie and Beith Ward on North Ayrshire Council in Cunninghame North constituency; notes that Anthea more than doubled the SNP share of the vote from 23.4% in 2007 to 48.9% in 2008 with a swing of 15% from Labour; is aware that in 2007, even as the SNP won Cunninghame North by 48 votes, it polled 831 fewer votes than Labour in Kilbirnie and Beith but has now polled 424 more; recognises that Labour has two branches in the area, including Scotland’s biggest, two Labour clubs and that the MP Katy Clark has two offices in Kilbirnie and Beith, and believes that if the SNP can win in such traditionally strong Labour territory it can look forward with confidence to even greater success elsewhere in the months and years ahead.

Friday, 5 December 2008

Interesting Press Release from John Swinney

Best to check them before sending them out eh?

-----Original Message-----
From: Stephen.Carter@scottish.parliament.uk [mailto:Stephen.Carter@scottish.parliament.uk]
Sent: 03 December 2008 15:06
Subject: News Release from John Swinney

News Release from John Swinney MSP

Attn: News Desk
For Immediate Release
Photo Desk
Friday 21st November 2008


Mr John Swinney, SNP member of the Scottish Parliament for

North Tayside will be holding constituency surgeries in December.

John Swinney endeavours to hold surgeries around his

constituency as often as possible. He regularly has

appointments in his constituency office in Blairgowrie but

travels around North Tayside to meet those who cannot attend

meetings in the office.

John Swinney will be holding surgeries at the following

locations on Monday 15th December 2008.

Pitlochry, Town Hall – 10.00 – 11.00

Aberfeldy, Breadalbane Academy - 11.30 – 12.30

Dunkeld, Birnam Institute – 1.00 – 2.00

Scone, Robert Douglas Memorial Institute – 2.30 – 3.30

Coupar Angus, Town Hall – 4.00 – 5.00

Commenting on the upcoming surgery John Swinney said,

“God I hate these things!!!!!!!!!!

“These surgeries are an important element of my portfolio as a

representative of the people of North Tayside.

“They provide me with an opportunity to travel around the

constituency and meet those who are not able to meet me in my

constituency office.

“I encourage the constituents who wish to see me to come along

to one of the surgeries, to make an appointment to meet with me

simply phone 0125... .”

Contact: Stephen Carter


-----Original Message-----
From: Stephen.Carter@scottish.parliament.uk [mailto:Stephen.Carter@scottish.parliament.uk]
Sent: 03 December 2008 15:08
Subject: Previous Press Release

Dear All
Please immediately disregard the previous press release.
Yours Sincerely
Stephen Carter
-----Original Message-----
From: Stephen.Carter@scottish.parliament.uk [mailto:Stephen.Carter@scottish.parliament.uk]
Sent: 03 December 2008 15:10
Subject: Previous Press Release

Deal All
I would be very much grateful if the previous press release would be immediately deleted.
I am sorry for this inconvenience
Yours sincerely
Stephen Carter



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Immitation is the highest form of flattery....apparently

When you copy Jamie Hepburn you sink to new depths but that didn't stop SNP MSP Bill Kidd lodging virtually the same motion as his Central Scotland colleague had previously lodged.

*S3M-3049 Bill Kidd: Scottish Youth Parliament Website—That the Parliament congratulates the Scottish Youth Parliament on the establishment of the new website, http://www.blogger.com/www.syp.org.uk, which now includes a Member of the Scottish Youth Parliament (MSYP) finder feature, making it easier for young people to communicate the issues that are important to them to their MSYPs and recognises the valuable contribution that MSYPs make to their local communities and youth politics across Scotland.

S3M-03046 Jamie Hepburn (Central Scotland) (SNP): That the Parliament welcomes the relaunch of the Scottish Youth Parliament's website; notes that improved features include a redesign and a member of the Scottish Youth Parliament (MSYP) finder facility aimed at improving links between young people, MSPs and MSYPs; believes that the Youth Parliament continues to play an important role in representing the views of young people in Scotland, and encourages all MSPs, and the wider public, to make use of the new website.

How much can you possibly congratulate a Parliament that spawned John Loughton?

Worst press release ever?

LABOUR in the Scottish Parliament
News Release
Immediate Release
Friday December 5, 2008
Scottish Labour is calling on the SNP to accept that Scotland is a nation. Alex Neil said in a press release that he will be presenting his case against the HBOS merger to a 'national audience' on Channel 4. Does he think that when he appears on Scottish programmes he is only addressing a region?

Scottish Labour Finance Spokesman David Whitton said:

"Alex Neil seems to think that Scotland is only a region.

"He says his appearance on Channel 4 is before a 'national audience'. Well, I believe I am speaking to a 'national audience' when I appear on programmes in Scotland.

"Alex Neil should accept that Scotland is a nation and apologise for his patronising slur."


Thursday, 4 December 2008

Scots Wha Hae?

These 2 motions are so strikingly and pointlessly similar that there is even a subtle namecheck from one to the other!

Short Title: New Translation of the Universal Declaration o Human Richts
S3M-03031 Jamie Hepburn (Central Scotland) (SNP): That the Parliament
welcomes the publication by Amnesty International of a Scots language version of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights in poster format, in time for its 60th Anniversary on 10 December 2008; believes this will help to promote awareness and understanding of both the human rights agenda and the importance of the Scots language; reaffirms its belief in the declaration’s opening statement that "All human beings born free and equal in dignity and rights", which translates as "Aw human sowels is born free and equal in dignity and richts"; notes that the Universal Declaration of Human Rights is one of the most translated documents in history and welcomes the Scots and Gaelic translations of it, and further reaffirms its commitment and respect for fundamental human rights, irrespective of language or any other distinction.

Short Title: European Parliament Civil Liberties Committee’s Recognition of Right to be Educated in and Speak Scots and Gaelic
S3M-03035 Bill Wilson (West of Scotland) (SNP): That the Parliament, further to motion S3M-3022 in the name of Jamie Hepburn (European Parliament Committee’s Concern at Human Rights Abuses), welcomes the desire of the European Parliament’s Civil Liberties Committee to promote regional or minority languages, and specifically the statement that it believes that "the right to speak and to be educated in one’s mother tongue is one of the most basic fundamental rights", and accordingly expresses the opinion that failure to provide education in Scots and Gaelic to the children of native speakers of these languages should be considered a breach of human rights.

Friday, 28 November 2008

Axis of Evil

Alex Neil thinks the UK is going broke. The Arc of Insolvency is bust too. Perhaps he thinks someone from the Axis of Evil could save us all.

S3M-02953 Alex Neil (Central Scotland) (SNP): That the Parliament notes that, as a result of the pre-Budget report announced on 24 November 2008 by the Chancellor of the Exchequer, the estimated budget deficit for the UK Government will rise to over 8% of GDP in 2010 and the national debt will rise to nearly 60% of GDP, with both these figures excluding the billions required to pay off the debts arising from PPP/PFI commitments and the bail out of the banks; notes that the United Kindgom’s credit rating has now been downgraded to being, apart from Italy, the lowest in the developed world; deduces that, based on previous statements made by the unionist Labour, Liberal and Tory parties about the economic viability of an independent Scotland, the United Kingdon can no longer survive as a politically independent state, and therefore invites those parties to advise which other nation should now assume responsibility for running Britain.

No, wait, it's just the usual plucky fightback against the Unionisht Conshpirashy!

Also, it appears he loathes the United Kingdom so much he can't even spell it.

Thursday, 27 November 2008

And the point is?

Date of Lodging: 27 November 2008
Short Title: A St Andrew’s Day Belter for Kinross
S3M-02983 Keith Brown (Ochil) (SNP): That the Parliament congratulates the residents of Kinross postcode KY13 8?? on winning the biggest ever prize of £1 million in the People’s Postcode Lottery draw and wishes them a very happy St Andrew’s Day.


Monday, 24 November 2008

The short arm of the Law (centre)

Interesting motion.

Short Title: Govanhill Law Centre
S3M-02941 Mr Frank McAveety (Glasgow Shettleston) (Lab): That the Parliament
welcomes the opening of the Govanhill Law Centre, a new law centre offering free legal advice to residents of Govanhill, which will work with the local community to root out slum landlords, gangmasters and organised criminals; congratulates principal solicitor Mike Dailly for his commitment to the centre; thanks Glasgow City Council leader Steven Purcell and Govanhill Housing Association chairperson Janice McEwan for their work on behalf of the centre; further thanks Louise Carlin of Oxfam Scotland’s Poverty Programme for the charity organisation’s ongoing support, and hopes that the Govanhill Law Centre will help empower the community to solve the problems that it faces and provide further confidence to residents in their campaign for a better Govanhill.

Mike Dailly.
Hmm. Is this the same guy who was quite close to backing a legal challenge against the election of Kenny Gibson (what a tragedy, we would have no business!) and then said the whole Holyrood Election should be re-run?
The guy who has regularly slagged off the SNP and is a Labour party member as far as I am aware, if not a former Candidate in some way.
Old Frank should be careful, this backinf of Housing Associations can backfire...

George Foulkes - Buffoon

Since entering Holyrood last May, Labour buffoon George Foulkes has asked a startling 850 questions and in the process, barring a few exceptions, unearthed nothing of any use. He discovered once that police numbers had gone up and another time that the new SNP Government spent less on special advisers than his lot did in the previous Government. Trawling through his parliamentary questions on the Parliament website is a soul destroying waste of time, however, I would like to point the following two questions out to everyone. Bear in mind these cost £100 each to answer.
Ministerial Costs

S3W-17900 - George Foulkes (Lothians) (Lab) (Date Lodged Friday, November 14, 2008): To ask the Scottish Executive in what circumstances it meets dry cleaning costs incurred by Cabinet ministers and whether it will detail any such costs met since May 2007, broken down by Cabinet minister.
Answered by John Swinney (Friday, November 21, 2008): There have been no dry cleaning costs incurred by Cabinet ministers since May 2007.
Scottish Government
S3W-17899 - George Foulkes (Lothians) (Lab) (Date Lodged Friday, November 14, 2008): To ask the Scottish Executive which members of the Scottish Government have received the services of a stylist since May 2007.
Answered by John Swinney (Thursday, November 20, 2008): None.

Well, there's two hundred quid the taxpayer won't see again

Tuesday, 18 November 2008

A Bit Late.......

This press release was issued Labour MEP David Martin, and featured contributions from MSP's Richard Baker and Marlyn Glen:

Local politicians welcome new European status of Arbroath smokie

Local Labour politicians Marlyn Glen MSP and Richard Baker MSP met with Scotland's senior member of the European Parliament David Martin MEP (who was on a tour of the North East of Scotland) in Arbroath to celebrate the new European Union (EU) status for the Arbroath smokie.

Speaking from Arbroath Mr Martin said: "The Arbroath smokie, one of Scotland's best loved foods, has now joined the ranks of some of the biggest names in food and drink throughout the EU. Arbroath smokies are now on a par with: Champagne, Roquefort cheese and Parma ham in being granted special status and protection by the EU."

Mr Martin who has been working behind the scenes to support this decision by the European Commission said: "The people of Arbroath have reason to be proud of their smokies they are considered to be one of the special delicacies of the EU".

Following the meeting Marlyn Glen said: "It was great that David could find time in his busy schedule to visit Arbroath and brief Richard and I on this significant development. Although the European Union often seems very distant to some people victories such as this really brings home to local Arbroath people the importance of the EU."

Richard Baker MSP added: "The significance of the victory for this campaign, which was supported by David Martin and many of his colleagues in the European Parliament, is that the smoked haddock will now carry the EU's distinctive 'protected-product' symbol to prevent smokies being produced anywhere else in Europe - this is a great day for Arbroath".

All well and good you might think, and many would welcome Mr Martin's "behind the scenes" support.

Given his involvement however, I would have thought he may have known that the protection for Arbroath Smokies was secured by local producers, and was achieved five years ago.

It certainly was a great day for Arbroath, at the time.

Monday, 17 November 2008

Cash for Motions

S3M-02891 Jack McConnell (Motherwell and Wishaw) (Scottish Labour): Congratulations to JK Rowling and Children's High Level Group— That the Parliament welcomes the publication of The Tales of Beedle the Bard by JK Rowling on 4 December 2008; notes that the net proceeds from the sale of the book will be used to support the work of the Children's High Level Group (CHLG); congratulates CHLG on its work so far in helping around 250,000 children in eastern Europe who are growing up in unacceptable conditions, and hopes that fans around the world will enjoy The Tales of Beedle the Bard while helping to benefit institutionalised children in desperate need of a voice.

Interesting. Nothing to do with that Million quid hitting the coffers of the financially beleaguered Labour Party then. Enjoy further free advertising space Ms Rowling.

PS: Obviously Net Proceeds means proceeds after expenses, publication costs etc. Could this include an advance for the author?

Friday, 14 November 2008

Jamie Hepburn - You Spin me right round baby

Nae bad MSP
Nae bad Motion.

The fact remains that to be strictly non biased for a second, I don't think Cumbernauld is the nicest of places (too many roundabouts). Also, I have checked out the song on YouTube, and its woeful, with only 812 views. Rock on!

Short Title: Cumbernauld: A Love Song
S3M-02895 Jamie Hepburn (Central Scotland) (SNP): That the Parliament
congratulates singer-songwriter Carolyn McGoldrick on the release of her single, Cumbernauld: A Love Song; notes that money raised from sales of the song will be donated to young persons’ cancer charity CLICSargent; believes that the song reflects the positive outlook that residents of Cumbernauld have for the future of their town, and encourages people across Scotland to buy a copy of the single in support of both Cumbernauld and CLICSargent.

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

Bill Wilson - Ilumination

Crap Holyrood Chat quite likes Bill Wilson, and what we think the principle behind this motion is. There seems to be a desire to cram a lot of angst into quite a short space, and the result is a motion which I cant work out is about

S3M-02855 Bill Wilson (West of Scotland) (SNP): That the Parliament
notes that children born before 1983 outwith the United Kingdom to British mothers, unlike those born outwith the United Kingdom to British fathers, cannot automatically obtain British citizenship through their parents’ nationality and believes that such discrimination by the UK Government is not only unwarranted but unjust.

Wendy Alexander - A History Lesson

Shes back! With a rather severe haircut and some Crap Chat. If you are going to slag off some parties publicly, get their name right. Lets hope the whigs and the tories back this!

S3M-02844 Wendy Alexander (Paisley North) (Scottish Labour): Renfrewshire Nursery School Cuts— That the Parliament notes with grave concern the plans by Renfrewshire Council to downgrade six nursery schools, four to nursery classes and two to pre-5 centres; considers the removal of all dedicated nursery head teachers to be wrong; deplores the forced redeployment of nursery teachers in these establishments; condemns the fact that, at the end of this exercise, there will be a maximum of 20 instead of 39 teachers dedicated to teaching pre-5s in Renfrewshire; congratulates Renfrewshire parents for their efforts to resist these changes, and, with this in mind, calls on the SNP/Liberal-controlled council to use the formal consultation period now underway to retract these unpopular proposals and retain teacher-led nursery schools in Renfrewshire.

Carole Smiley MSP

I am well aware of the benefits of lottery funding but as far as I'm concerned this is an advert for a daft show on ITV, hosted by Carole Smiley:

S3M-02857 Bill Kidd (Glasgow) (SNP): A Right Belter
That the Parliament congratulates the People’s Postcode Lottery, a lottery for charities in Scotland that was launched in November 2007 and has since raised over £1 million for Maggie’s Cancer Care Centres, Children 1st and the Scottish Wildlife Trust; further notes that on St Andrew’s day the Postcode Belter will see the biggest prize pot so far with a cool £1 million going to the lucky winners, and wishes all Scots the best of luck on the day.

Monday, 10 November 2008


A rare motion from our old pal Sarah Boyack. Just thought I would give it the old CHC once-over, to check everything is kosher.

Congratulations to a Scottish Uni - Fairdoos

Positive Contribution - Fair Enough

Importance of Renewables - Full Marks So far

Council Tax - Pardon? Council Tax just ambushes you in this motion, and its a needless swipe at the Government. And thus, unless I'm very much mistaken, the MSP for the East Staines Massiv has her first entry in the Crap Holyrood Chat records:

S3M-02839 Sarah Boyack (Edinburgh Central) (Lab): That the Parliament
congratulates the University of Edinburgh on becoming the first Scottish educational institution to be awarded the Carbon Trust Standard; believes that the awards are a positive contribution to encourage reduction in carbon emissions; notes the current and future importance of technology such as energy efficiency measures, micro-renewables and combined heat and power systems in helping not only businesses, public authorities and educational institutions but households reduce their carbon emissions, and calls on the Scottish Government to look at all options, including local fiscal levers such as council tax, to develop better financial incentives encouraging the use of small scale and householder renewables across Scotland.

Wednesday, 5 November 2008

Kenny G(romit)

I love motions like this. Due to the mandatory decorum and language necessary, we can now be officialy excited by a place with over 7 Employees!! Anyway, this is a very cheesy, and pointless motion, and you are about to find out why.

S3M-02818 Kenneth Gibson (Cunninghame North) (Scottish National Party): Congratulations to Torrylinn Creamery— That the Parliament congratulates Torrylinn Creamery on the island of Arran for winning a silver award for its Isle of Arran Dunlop cheese at the World Cheese Awards in Dublin on 29 September 2008; notes that this international recognition follows a gold award at the Royal Welsh Show in July 2008 and is its 11th award won this year; recognises the particular contribution of cheese maker Paul Murray, who has been with the company for eight years; acknowledges that the Isle of Arran Dunlop is made entirely from milk supplied by three island farms; is aware that Torrylinn Creamery is run by First Milk, which is the largest dairy farmer co-operative in the United Kingdom and employs seven people; recognises that winning awards is important to both existing and potential customers and the continued prosperity of the company, and wishes Torrylinn Creamery even further success in the years to come.

Yes We Can - But must we??

I think these should have been posted beforehand, or at 4am, to avoid such blatant, if unintentional crap chat.

Short Title: Scotland’s Congratulations to Barack Obama
S3M-02829 Rob Gibson (Highlands and Islands) (SNP): That the Parliament welcomes the historic election of Barack Hussein Obama as the 44th President of the United States of America; applauds his accomplishment in breaking down lingering racial barriers and becoming the first African American to be elected to the office; congratulates the American public for turning out in record numbers to vote in the 2008 elections, breaking voting turnout records for young people as well as new voters that had never before cast a ballot; welcomes the revitalised partnership that America can offer to Scotland and the rest of the world through this unprecedented and uplifting election, and further offers congratulations from the whole of Scotland to the incoming leader of America.

Patrick Harvie(Scottish Green Party)

S3M-02826 - Sharing the Audacity of Hope
That the Parliament offers sincere congratulations to President-elect Barack Obama and to all those who helped make his historic election possible; expresses the hope that President Obama will find an opportunity to visit Scotland during his term in office, and dares to share in the audacity of hope that a genuinely new direction in American politics at this important time in world affairs could offer the possibility for the spread of progressive values not at the point of a gun but through peace, co-operation and global justice.

Short Title: Congratulations to President-elect Obama
S3M-02827 Jamie Hepburn (Central Scotland) (SNP): That the Parliament
congratulates President-elect Barack Obama on his historic success in the US elections; notes the record-breaking turnout across the United States of America and the massive number of first-time voters inspired by Obama's candidacy; believes that the result represents positive change for the USA and the world, especially in light of the continuing wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and the difficulties facing the global economy, and encourages governments around the world to work with the incoming US administration to find solutions to these challenges

Thursday, 23 October 2008

We support Painful Mergers!

Of PQs that are clearly the same broad topic, and sub topic, it really isn't to hard to just ask the one question, or if you are George Foulkes, don't ask any questions at all!

George Foulkes (Lothians) (Lab): To ask the Scottish Executive which Scottish ministers and junior Scottish ministers have received security clearance.

George Foulkes (Lothians) (Lab): To ask the Scottish Executive which of its officials have received security clearance.

George Foulkes (Lothians) (Lab): To ask the Scottish Executive what mechanisms exist for official complaints by ministers to the broadcasting authorities in Scotland and what representations have been made since May 2007 on behalf of which ministers.

George Foulkes (Lothians) (Lab): To ask the Scottish Executive what representations the First Minister has made to BBC Scotland since May 2007.

Irene Oldfather (Cunninghame South) (Lab): To ask the Scottish Executive whether care home staff qualify for free flu vaccinations in 2008.

Irene Oldfather (Cunninghame South) (Lab): To ask the Scottish Executive what the uptake was of the flu vaccination by care home staff in 2007.

Irene Oldfather (Cunninghame South) (Lab): To ask the Scottish Executive what guidance has been issued in 2008 in relation to flu vaccinations for care home staff.

Pensioner's Parliament

S3M-02744 Sandra White (Glasgow) (Scottish National Party): Pensioners Take Their Place at Holyrood— That the Parliament welcomes the ringing endorsement for the establishment of a pensioners’ parliament, unanimously agreed at the recent SNP conference in Perth; notes that a clear objective of one of the longest-standing cross-party groups (CPG) in the Scottish Parliament, the CPG on Older People, Age and Ageing, has been for the establishment of this forum, and looks forward to working with all relevant parties in making this commitment a reality.

A pensioner's parliament? Are you actually having a laugh?

"In response to my honourable colleague Betty, yes I am going to the bingo tonight and, aye, the nights are indeed fair drawin' in"

Don't see it myself....

Wednesday, 22 October 2008

Cathy Peattie: Ehhh

You can't argue with the motion really, but firing something as contraversial a statement as is contained in this, without a factual or statistical representations, just makes you look like a ranting lunatic who makes sweeping generalisations. I'll highlight it, if it doesn't stand out as much as it did for me.

S3M-2725 Cathy Peattie: This is Not an Invitation to Rape Me—That the Parliament welcomes Rape Crisis Scotland’s new campaign, This is Not an Invitation to Rape Me, which aims to tackle women-blaming attitudes towards rape in a nationwide advertising campaign; notes that many Scots still believe that women are in some way responsible for being raped if they are dressed in revealing clothing, are drunk, are flirting, or are known to have had many sexual partners; further notes that although rape within marriage was made a crime in Scotland from 1989, the myth persists that women are only raped by strangers and not their partners; believes that social attitudes continue to play a significant role in limiting justice for women who have experienced rape, with a Scottish conviction rate of only 2.9%, and in central Scotland as low as one conviction from seven prosecutions and 45 allegations, with an estimated 40% of rapes unreported, and congratulates the campaign for its use of distinctive images featuring women in everyday settings, challenging people’s attitudes towards rape and tackling the myths and prejudices that undermine women’s right to say no.

Kenny G... Record Breaker

Well, a good day for Kenny Gibson. With this post, hes weeks ahead as most labelled MSP, and now he has given us what I believe is the longest, and possibly most boring motion ever.

Enjoy(if you can)

*S3M-2731 Kenneth Gibson: Universal Service Obligation—That the Parliament commends the Communication Workers Union for its ongoing campaign to save the universal service obligation (USO) for the benefit of Royal Mail, its customers and its employees; looks forward to the final report from the review of the UK postal services sector, an independent panel headed by Richard Hooper, formerly Deputy Chairman of the Office of Communications (Ofcom), to be published in the autumn; notes that the review team’s initial response in May 2008 stated that competition within the sector had "brought no significant benefits" to either the public or small businesses and went on to express its view that "there is now a substantial threat to Royal Mail’s financial stability and therefore, the universal service obligation…the status quo is not tenable. It will not deliver our shared vision for the postal sector and there is a strong case for action"; considers that the UK Government rushed into market liberalisation too quickly – some five years earlier than required by European Union legislation and some way ahead of the rest of the continent; believes that the decision to advance liberalisation together with the pro-competition brief given to industry regulator Postcomm and the operating restrictions that it has imposed on Royal Mail have combined to create a fundamentally skewed UK postal market, which unfairly advantages new competitor companies at the expense of the incumbent; is concerned that, while Royal Mail is obliged by law to provide a universal service and is subject to crippling price and product innovation restrictions, new market entrants are allowed, even encouraged, to cherry-pick business from the more profitable parts of the industry therefore eating into Royal Mail’s traditional revenues while adding zero value to the service as a whole; is alarmed that the universal service recorded a loss of the first time in 2007-08 of around £100 million compared to a profit of £2 million the previous year, that Royal Mail’s regulated business, which includes the USO, made a loss of over £200 million in 2007-08 compared to a loss of £69 million the previous year and that the Royal Mail’s overall letter business also made a loss last year of £3 million, down from a profit of £136 million the previous year; understands that the USO is vital for Scotland, particularly with regard to the many rural and remote areas where communities are dependent on reliable postal services; concurs with the view that it is absolutely crucial that the Royal Mail remains a wholly publicly-owned, integrated company and that any moves towards privatisation, share flotation or joint venture with private capital or any separation of Post Office Limited from the Royal Mail Group by the UK Government must be resisted, and calls for Postcomm and its remit to be fundamentally reformed to refocus on defending the UK’s postal services to the public, for USO to be supported, ensuring that it is funded by all who use the service so that it can then be protected and extended to cover small to medium-sized businesses and to preserve our post office network, and for the Royal Mail to be able to exercise more freedom over pricing and new product and service innovation in order to operate successfully and, in particular, to take advantage of the expanding parcels and packages market while understanding that modernisation must not become a code word for cuts and terminal decline.

Wednesday, 15 October 2008

Kenny G - Wrong Party

At a time when many are saying that there is a need for greater and more varied parties in Parliament, as there was in 2003, it is refreshing to see that Kenny Gibson is considering switching his political allegiance to the Scottish Senior Citizens Unity Party. I'm sure this policy was on their manifesto.

S3M-02651 Kenneth Gibson (Cunninghame North) (Scottish National Party): Scottish Pensioners' Parliament— That the Parliament notes the importance of considering the perspectives of older people through the establishment of a Scottish Pensioners’ Parliament, similar to the Scottish Youth Parliament; recognises that pensioners need to be able to express more fully their concerns about current issues and suggest solutions for their problems, and welcomes the effort of older people to come together to debate issues of importance to them, their families and Scotland.

Maybe Kenny is angling for a post 65 post, but with the childish nature of some of his motions, he might be better suited in the Youth Parliament.

Friday, 10 October 2008


The SNP could accept that some motions are going to have sly dig at them, and Labour accepted that not all motions need to have a sly dig as a pre-requisite, we would have a lot less of the damn things!

*S3M-2699 Claire Baker: Congratulations on Scottish University World Rankings—That the Parliament notes the publication of the 2008 Times Higher Education QS World University Rankings; congratulates the University of Edinburgh, University of Glasgow and University of St Andrews for being ranked in the top 100; further congratulates the University of Aberdeen for being ranked in the top 200 universities in the world; recognises that Scottish universities make up four of the 29 UK universities in the top 200; notes the improved ranking of the University of Glasgow and the drop in ranking for the University of St Andrews and University of Aberdeen; notes the drop in ranking of the University of Dundee out of the top 200 world universities; further notes the delay in publishing the final report of the Joint Future Thinking Taskforce on Universities; highlights the serious financial concerns expressed by many leaders across the university sector in Scotland over the last few weeks, and calls on the Scottish Government to come forward with concrete and substantive proposals to ensure Scotland’s universities maintain and build on their current international position over the coming years.

We at Crap Holyrood Chat have been reliably informed that the office of Joe Fitzpatrick have urged colleagues not to sign this motion, and that his own stunning riposte, and alternative motion congratulating these institutions will be "circulated shortly".

Baited Breath Anyone?

A Motion Cubed

Can someone please comment and shed some light on this?

Correct me if I'm wrong: this is a motion, on a motion, on a motion?

Indulging in party politics by explicity slagging off someone else for indulging in party politics? There are too many repititions here, my head hurts. Read for yourselves:

Short Title: Working Together on Child Poverty and the Minimum Wage

S3M-02659 Bob Doris (Glasgow) (SNP): That the Parliament
expresses its disappointment that Labour MSP Mary Mulligan should engage in party politics on the issue of child poverty by laying down her amendment, S3M-2621.1, to motion S3M-2621 (Ending the Shame of Child Poverty); condemns the amendment on the basis that it seeks to break the unity that exists across a broad spectrum of political parties on the important issue of the national minimum wage by implying that this important development in the fight against poverty was not supported by SNP MPs; notes that SNP MPs voted in favour of the national minimum wage more often than Tony Blair and as often as Gordon Brown MP but would not use this information to imply a lack of commitment to the national minimum wage from either of the aforementioned MPs; acknowledges that SNP MPs not only supported the Bill but took part in the committee which oversaw its progress; looks forward to the continuation of a cross-party approach to tackling child poverty, and hopes that Mary Mulligan MSP will once again be part of that cross-party approach.

Kenny G and Lord George Again... Surely Not?

Quite possibly the first direct and very personal attack on another MSP this Parliamentary session comes from the man who seems to be sustaining this very blog. Take it away George(read: Kezia) and Kenny. Seconds out!

S3M-02668 George Foulkes (Lothians) (Lab): That the Parliament
recognises the need to examine the current school meals crisis in Edinburgh and across the country as a result of severely cash-strapped local authorities; questions the SNP government’s success in fulfilling its ambitions set out in the historic concordat and single outcome agreements to tackle childhood obesity and promote healthy eating at a time when school kitchens are closing and hot healthy school meals are being replaced with imported, pre-packed, often processed food; feels that these actions undermine the good reputation that the Parliament has achieved in securing free healthy school meals and promoting healthy living through initiatives like Hungry for Success, and further recognises the need to give every child the best possible start in life.

S3M-02668.1 Kenneth Gibson (Cunninghame North) (Scottish National Party): School Meals— As an amendment to motion S3M-2668 in the name of George Foulkes (School Meals), leave out from first "recognises" to end and insert "considers that George Foulkes MSP would be better lobbying his Westminster colleagues for the additional resources that Scotland needs and deserves than complaining about how existing resources are being spent; is aware that UK Government significantly underestimated the level of inflation for this year, impacting on the ability of the Scottish Government and the areas over which it has responsibility to deliver services as effectively as would otherwise be the case, and believes that the UK Government should make good the financial shortfall caused by the tightness of this year’s settlement in order that the Scottish Government can pass on those resources proportionately to local government, the NHS and all other departments."

Monday, 22 September 2008

Kenny G... yet again

He's already been blasted for slating the Lib Dems. Now he has a go at the democratic process.


Col 4985

Kenneth Gibson (Cunninghame North) (SNP): We are so alike—it is easy to be confused.
Many members have talked about how important it is for the Parliament to take decisions on the running of Holyrood and local authority elections, which would be eminently sensible. After all, as I suggested to Mr Gould, who is a Canadian, during a meeting of the Local Government and Communities Committee, it would be preposterous if the United States of America presided over the running of Canadian elections. It is daft for the Scottish ministers and the Scotland Office to have their oars in the water; we must conclude that the process should be devolved to Scotland.

The ballot paper design clearly caused confusion and difficulty. I am sure that lessons will be learned. I anticipate that whoever designs the next ballot paper will acknowledge that having two, separate, Holyrood ballot papers is essential.

More thought should be given to which parties are permitted to put their name on the regional ballot paper. Voters are confused by the plethora of minuscule three-men-and-a-dog parties—often recently formed and with as few as three members—that are allowed on the regional list. I am aware of no other legislature that allows such nonsense. It is clear that some voters are confused when they are confronted by ballot papers that include such parties. That does nothing to advance the democratic process.

Margo MacDonald: I am curious to know what the member thinks about one woman without a dog.

Kenneth Gibson: Not a lot, if the truth must be told......... .....In my constituency, an obscure fringe party called the Scottish Liberal Democrats was able to take advantage of the free mailing, despite having no campaign whatever.

Oh dear.

Thursday, 18 September 2008

George Foulkes - Credit Crunch Crap Chat

There isn't much about the HBOS takeover from Lloyds that isn't crap but it seems George Foulkes felt necessary to add some crap chat into the mix, presumably to try cheering us all up:

Short Title: HBOS and Lloyds S3M-02559

George Foulkes (Lothians) (Lab): That the Parliament recognises the personal intervention of the Prime Minister, Gordon Brown MP, in negotiations between HBOS and Lloyds to save Halifax Bank of Scotland; believes that the Prime Minister’s strength of leadership and decisive action will preserve the jobs of thousands of people not only in Scotland but across the United Kingdom and overseas while also securing the finances of tens of thousands more, and further believes that there is no one better equipped to steer the United Kingdom through these difficult economic times than Gordon Brown.

(NB: Thanks to ScottishToryBoy)

Tuesday, 16 September 2008


Each year, MacMillan Cancer Support organises the World's Biggest Coffee Morning. I know one MSP who runs one every year without fail. I was interested to see this motion from Sandra White, which as you read it, seems eminently supportable. Get to the end though and we have "yet again, Glasgow Region SNP MSP's, in conjunction with Stelmain, will hold their own event." Why mention any political party in a motion on such an important issue that affects so many people?

S3M-02547 Sandra White (Glasgow) (Scottish National Party): Wake Up and Smell the Coffee— That the Parliament notes that the World’s Biggest Coffee Morning will be held this year on Friday 26 September; recognises that this event is promoted by MacMillan Cancer Support, which encourages all individuals and organisations to hold their own coffee mornings; notes that last year saw over 50,000 such events raise an incredible £7.5 million; encourages everybody to get involved in this worthwhile cause in the hope that this year’s £8.5 million target is met, and advertises the fact that, yet again, Glasgow Region SNP MSPs, in conjunction with Stelmain, will hold their own event on 22 September at 10.30 am in the Baltic Chambers in Glasgow.

Saturday, 13 September 2008

Helen Eadie - Traffic Lights

Was this a serious question?

S3W-15532 Helen Eadie: To ask the Scottish Executive what plans it has to change traffic lights from the current system of red, amber and green lights to red and green only, with a countdown in seconds for each colour.

I suspect the answer will be quite interesting but remember kids, always look left and right before you cross the road, whether the man is green, red or, ahem, amber...

Monday, 8 September 2008

Do your research Mrs Baker...

I guess there's nothing wrong with the subject of this motion - other than the blatant politicisation of sporting success which has received a bit of a kicking on here before. But there's more to this than meets the eye.

Short Title: Good Luck to Andy Murray

S3M-02509 Claire Baker (Mid Scotland and Fife) (Lab): That the Parliament congratulates Andy Murray on his victory in the US Open semi-final, over Rafael Nadal, to reach his first grand slam final; notes that he is the first Scottish, and only the second British, tennis player to reach a grand slam final in modern day tennis; wishes him all the best in the final against Roger Federer, and hopes that he becomes the first British tennis player to win a grand slam for 72 years, since Fred Perry won the 1936 US Open.

Erm... almost. Except

1) He's not the second British player to reach a Grand Slam final in modern tennis - he's the second male. Virginia Wade won one in 1977, as well as in 1968 and 1972. Kinda difficult to win a Grand Slam without making it to a final - how did she do that?

2) He wouldn't be the first British player to win a grand slam for 72 years: Virginia Wade, Sue Barker both won singles titles, while his brother Jamie won a Grand Slam (doubles title) last year.

Plus, your grasp of punctuation is pretty appalling. Other than that though, great stuff...

Gil Paterson: Scotland likes Firemen

From the department of statin' the bleedin' obvious, we have this pearl:

Date of Lodging: 8 September 2008

Short Title: The Fire and Rescue Service S3M-02504

Gil Paterson (West of Scotland) (SNP): That the Parliament notes the important service that the fire and rescue service provides in our communities and thanks all those who dedicate themselves to delivering it; believes that the quicker fire crews respond to incidents the better chance they have of rescuing those who seek assistance, and supports the campaign to reintroduce incident response standards.

Meanwhile doctors, nurses and train drivers etc go up in arms at not being recognised.

Thursday, 4 September 2008

A Classic SNP/Tory Spat............

Is there nothing of greater importance to bicker over?

Short Title: GB’s Own Goal
S3M-02429 Stuart McMillan (West of Scotland) (SNP): That the Parliament notes the Prime Minister’s comments about a British football team competing in the 2012 Olympics and recognises that Gordon Brown continues to prove his incompetence by ignoring the will of Scottish football supporters as well as of the Scottish Football Association, which states that it is opposed to such a team; further acknowledges the failure of Gordon Brown to listen to the individual Welsh, Northern Irish and English football associations, which are all opposed to a British football team, and calls on Gordon Brown to finally take notice of people in Scotland and stop calling for a British football team for future Olympic games, which would threaten the individual identity of each national team.

S3M-02495 Jamie McGrigor (Highlands and Islands) (Con): That the Parliament
notes the recent discussion over plans for a Great Britain football team; believes that it would be regrettable if Britain did not enter a team in the 2012 Olympics; suggests that such a team could be formed from the winners of a play-off between the under-23 teams from Scotland, Northern Ireland, Wales and England, and further notes previous statements from FIFA that it has no problem with a GB football team and that this would not impact on countries keeping their individual teams at FIFA games.

Wednesday, 3 September 2008

A classic Labour/Tory spat.

People, people, this isn't what motions to Parliament should be for.

*S3M-2456.1 Jackson Carlaw: Condemnation of the Comments of Andrew Lansley and Defence of the NHS in Scotland—As an amendment to motion (S3M-2456) in the name of Margaret Curran, leave out from first "calls on" to end and insert "is wearying of the parade of invitations to pay tribute to the former Lib/Lab administration, rejected by the electorate in May 2007; invites the Scottish Government to press on with evidence-based action to assist the people of Scotland to tackle health inequalities and to do so without fear or favour to the record of the Labour party, which having governed the people of Glasgow for decades has singularly failed to improve health inequalities within the city, and calls on members of all parties to measure success less by reference to health spending and more by reference to health outcomes while ensuring that all people in Scotland, of whatever financial means, can access the healthcare they deserve."

Text of original motion:
S3M-02456 Margaret Curran (Glasgow Baillieston) (Scottish Labour): Condemnation of the Comments of Andrew Lansley and Defence of the NHS in Scotland— That the Parliament calls on Conservative UK Shadow Health Secretary, Andrew Lansley MP, to withdraw his comments suggesting that health spending should be reduced in Glasgow and spent elsewhere in the United Kingdom; believes that Mr Lansley’s apparent conclusion that health spending is inverse to health outcomes and should therefore be reduced in areas of poor health is a perverse logic that risks denying people in most need the healthcare that they require and deserve and that this is an alarming indication of the Conservatives’ intention to cut NHS funding; notes with equal concern that Mr Lansley’s wish may already be being granted by the SNP government in light of the recently announced £42 million of cuts to NHS Greater Glasgow and Clyde and the fact that health spending in the Scottish Government’s budget fails to match the year-on-year increases of both the UK Government for England and those of the previous Scottish administration; further notes that, if this trend continues, Scotland’s historically higher health spending per head of population is at risk of being reversed within the next five years, and calls on members of all parties to defend the NHS in Scotland from further cuts and ensure that all people in Scotland of whatever financial means can access the healthcare that they deserve.

Seriously, no-one listens to this kind of Punch and Judy stuff, no matter how important the actual issues may be. Just leave it out. Actually, I fear we'll get an SNP amendment too, given that Mags named them in her original motion.

It's back!

MSPs return from their summer holidays today so this can only mean one thing - Crap Holyrood Chat is back!

Scotland's cyberspace home of the great and good - sorry, scrap that - the terrible and inane chat that often emanate from our elected representatives kicks off again today too.

The site was set up during the summer so thus far we have only had retrospective inclusions. But now we can get a daily update of the nonsense that we are often subjected to in the name of democracy.

As the site's mission statement says the following is up for inclusion on CHC: "unnecessary partisan rants, intellectually-lacking speeches and/or ignorant waffling from our MSPs". So if you spot anything that fits the bill let us know.

Of course it's always open to MSPs to ensure there's nothing worthy (or rather unworthy) to put on the site. So the challenge has been set - let's see what happens next.

Gil Paterson - Fitba' crazy, fitba' daft

It pains me to have to kick off the post-recess period with an SNP motion but some people have to learn.....

S3M-02458 Gil Paterson (West of Scotland) (Scottish National Party):

Save Scotland's National Team— That the Parliament notes the recent comments by the General Secretary of UEFA who has given the starkest warning so far that a British football team performing at the Olympic Games would jeopardise Scotland’s independent football status, stating that “It is the quickest way for Scotland to disappear off of the international stage”, and calls on all members who wish to see Scotland continue to participate in international football to use their influence to defend Scotland’s footballing legacy and save Scotland’s national team status.

No further questions your honour.

Saturday, 30 August 2008

George Foulkes - Wasteful PQs

To be fair, I've already posted this on my own blog but I thought this particular Holyrood Chat was so crap that it just had to be included in here aswell.

(I also fear this blog is wasting away slightly over recess but make no mistake, with the help of a multitude of authors I still hope to have it in full swing from next week....)

S3W-15851 - George Foulkes (Lothians) (Lab) (Date Lodged Thursday, August 28, 2008): To ask the Scottish Executive which race courses the First Minister has visited since May 2007 and on how many occasions.

Irrelevant to the Scottish people, now please just stop it George. Enough is enough!

Friday, 22 August 2008


It's upsetting to have to put John Park in here. His chat has been above average for the new intake, though it's not the toughest of fields to compete in. But "We hate Thatcherism" still reads poorly coming from Labour. I mean, come on guys, where was the nationalisation of anything other than Northern Rock? Has a Labour government revived the pits and the docks? Or has it, instead, sucked up to the City just like its predecessors? And, indeed, sucked up to Maggie herself?

Impact of Thatcher government's economic policies on Scotland
That the Parliament notes the comments by the First Minister suggesting that Scotland 'didn't mind' the Thatcher Conservative's government's economic policies; remembers with concern the misery experienced by the three million unemployed in the 1980s when the economic consequences of Thatcherism reached their nadir; understands the devastating impact that the Thatcher government's policies had on mining, the steel industry, dockyards and upon communities across Scotland; further notes that the First Minister has also expressed support for Reaganomics; worries that supply side economics, a largely discredited economic theory, could become a model for the Scottish economy; hopes that the Scottish Government's right-wing economic agenda will not be pursued at the expense of Scotland's working people and their families.

He who motions first........

At 15:11 on 20th August, Pauline McNeill circulated the motion below round Parliament seeking support. Fair enough, gaining UNESCO City of Music status is an achievement, and I'm sure many MSP's would support it.

But next day at 09:40, Bob Doris circulated a motion on exactly the same subject (again, see below). Instead of MSP's falling over themselves to lodge alternative motions on exactly the same subject, saying largely the same thing, they should do the grown up thing and simply support the motion lodged first.

S3M-02410 Pauline McNeill (Glasgow Kelvin) (Lab) Glasgow - UNESCO City of Music:That the Parliament notes the announcement of Glasgow as a UNESCO City of Music; celebrates this important recognition of Glasgow’s contribution to world music from opera and classical concerts to dance halls and the vibrant contemporary music scene in addition to Glasgow’s status as a pre-eminent centre for piping, traditional, celtic and Gaelic music; notes that the city will now follow Seville and Bologna to become the third European city to meet UNESCO’s exacting criteria and join the international Creative Cities Network as a City of Music, a permanent designation that will acknowledge the city’s musical heritage and its role as a leading centre of music-making, performance and enjoyment; congratulates all those involved in winning Glasgow’s bid for world City of Music status, including the management committee of Tom Thomson, James Boyle, Professor John Wallace, June Edgar and bid director, Svend Brown; applauds the bid supporters, including BBC Scotland, Glasgow City Council, the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama, the University of Glasgow, Glasgow Caledonian University, the University of Strathclyde and the Glasgow-Edinburgh Collaboration Project, and acknowledges the commitment of the members of the Steering Committee, chaired by Baroness Ramsay of Cartvale and including Craig Armstrong, Nicola Benedetti, Alex Kapranos and the Rt Hon the Lord Provost of Glasgow, Councillor Bob Winter.

Short Title: Congratulations to Glasgow UNESCO City of Music
S3M-02412 Bob Doris (Glasgow) (SNP): That the Parliament
warmly welcomes Glasgow’s becoming only the third UNESCO City of Music in the world, an accolade shared with Bologna and Seville, and notes that, as such, Glasgow joins Edinburgh as part of UNESCO’s worldwide Creative Cities Network; congratulates all those involved in achieving this accolade, including Glasgow City Council, the Scottish Government and, most importantly, the people of Glasgow, whose passion, flare and ability are the most important factors in gaining such recognition; notes that one of the reasons behind the Creative Cities Network is the idea of creative tourism, and, as a result of Glasgow’s new status, looks forward to many more visitors being welcomed to Glasgow in the coming years to experience the many attractions the city has to offer, including its vibrant music scene.

Thursday, 21 August 2008

Margaret Smith - Hoy Polloi

S3M-02418 Margaret Smith (Edinburgh West) (LD):
Congratulations to Chris Hoy

That the Parliament congratulates Edinburgh cyclist, Chris Hoy, on winning three gold medals at the 2008 Beijing Olympics; notes that he is the first Briton to win three gold medals at the same Olympics in 100 years; recognises that Hoy’s achievements in Olympic track cycling are exceptional; welcomes the inspiration generated as a result of this achievement; calls on the UK Government to bestow a knighthood on him, and wishes Chris the best of luck for the future and looks forward to further success in forthcoming events.

Don't get me wrong, well done to Chris on a fantastic achievement but a knighthood? Seriously? Riding a bike quickly is surely not what the Honours System is there for.

And brazenly politicising the success of an Olympic athlete makes for distinctly crap chat indeed.

Welcome to the vaults Margaret!

Friday, 15 August 2008

Robert Brown - Loves allotments too

Oh my goodness, they're all at it now with these pesky allotments....

I guess Robert Brown just wanted to stay under the radar in a mundane fashion after this delightful gaffe.

S3M-02398 Robert Brown (Glasgow): National Allotments Week 2008— That the Parliament welcomes National Allotments Week 2008, being held from 11 to 17 August 2008; believes that allotments can make a big contribution to healthier living, knowledge of the environment and the seasonality of food; notes the potential for positive links with local schools, and urges all local authorities to identify more high quality sites to satisfy the growing demand for allotments in Scotland.

Bob Doris - Gardener's Questions

What's the difference between the Scottish Parliament and a message board at your local ScotMid?

Well, not much apparently going by this motion. Still, the Green'll be happy about it...

Date of Lodging: 14 August 2008

Short Title: Helping Cambuslang Allotments Forum Grow

S3M-02397 Bob Doris (Glasgow) (SNP): That the Parliament commends the work of the Cambuslang Allotment Forum and the Scottish Allotments and Gardens Society; welcomes National Allotments Week as an opportunity to highlight the immense physical and mental health benefits tending allotments can bring; believes that by growing fresh produce people can play an important part in improving the nutrition of Scots and help tackle serious issues such as obesity; supports, in particular, the efforts of the Cambuslang Allotment Forum in its attempt to identify suitable land to deal with the list of local residents currently waiting to secure allotments; calls on South Lanarkshire Council to acknowledge that allotments make a significant contribution to 14 of the 45 National Outcomes as detailed in the Scottish Government’s historic concordat with local authorities and therefore strongly encourages South Lanarkshire Council to work constructively with the forum to ensure suitable sites are located and calls on all budding green-fingered allotment enthusiasts in Rutherglen and Cambuslang to get in contact with the Cambuslang Allotment Forum to find out how they can help the campaign and hopefully have their own allotments in the future.

Wednesday, 6 August 2008

Frank McAveety - (but not really)

Crap Holyrood Chat has got the first draft of a hastily-drafted motion being planned by Frank McAveety. It reads as follows:

That the Parliament congratulate Rangers F.C on losing to Hearts Reserves in the Second Qualifying Round of the UEFA Champions League; notes that this is the same Rangers side that jammily made it all the way to the final of the UEFA Cup in Manchester just 12 weeks ago in the face of huge adversity (being made to play nothing that resembled football more than once a week); believes the sacrifice made by Rangers is an amazingly selfless gesture given that it has handed their arch rivals the whole pot of Champions League TV money - believed to be in the region of £10m - while robbing their own fans of the opportunity of moaning that they have to play so many games in a season and wishes them well for a season of overachieving mediocrity.

Monday, 4 August 2008

Flags, always flags

It's hard to believe there aren't any previous flag-related entries here. So here's a starter.

S3M-02364 Bob Doris (Glasgow) (Scottish National Party): On the Right Track with the Scottish Saltire— That the Parliament welcomes the decision of Transport Scotland to rebrand all trains in Scotland with the Scottish saltire; believes that Scotland as a brand is an essential part of our economy and, in particular, our vital tourist industry and that such a move will help promote this brand thus both promoting national self-confidence and also potentially enhancing economic growth; notes that this will help make Scots aware that their rail services are primarily paid for by the taxpayers of Scotland; further notes that the costs will be kept to a minimum as repainting will happen as already scheduled; welcomes the broad acceptance of the Scottish saltire as a symbol of the nation of Scotland and not a political symbol and therefore condemns the talking down of the Scottish saltire, in particular the comments of George Foulkes MSP who described its use as a “brainwashing tactic”, and attempts to make political capital out of our nation’s flag; believes that no person or party should fear the positive and inclusive expressions of Scottishness that Scotland’s saltire represents and that Lord Foulkes and others should spend their time promoting Scottishness as opposed to undermining it; further notes that countries across the world proudly display their national flags without opposition from their fellow countrymen and women, and looks forward to the day when an independent Scotland can do the same.

Why do flags bring out the worst in people? Unionists, Nationalists (as above), Republicans, the Welsh, Confederates, Congress and the rest

It's also particularly pleasing to see an SNP MSP say the saltire isn't a "political symbol". Riiiight. 

Kenneth Gibson - Surely not...

S3M-2282 Kenneth Gibson: Congratulations to Heather Gibson—That the Parliament congratulates 11-year-old Heather Kirsty Fiona Gibson on winning this year’s Scott Trophy for meritorious effort at Crookfur Primary School, Newton Mearns, East Renfrewshire; recognises that this prestigious award is presented to the outstanding Primary 7 pupil who has achieved excellence in school work, engaged successfully with peers and staff, behaved in an exemplary fashion during his/her time at the school and contributed significantly to school life consistently over seven years; believes that Heather has a bright future ahead, and wishes her continued success at Eastwood High School.

So the MSP is Kenneth Gibson and the p7 pupil is Heather Gibson?

Please, please tell me that our beloved Kenneth Gibson hasn't used the Scottish Parliament to give his wee girl a pat on the back for some diddly prize won at school? Honestly Ken, I'm sure a night out watching High School Musical and going for a pizza with all the family would have been sufficient...

Saturday, 2 August 2008

Early success

Crap Holyrood Chat is not even one month old yet it has already received its first award.

The Witanagemot Club's annual awards have placed the blog third place in the 'Best Holyrood Gossip' section.

This might seem like a surprise given how new the blog is but it's surely no surprise given the sheer quality associated with it. It is in no way due to the fact that only a small number of people voted in this section...

Anyway if this is what happens after less than a month and during recess just think where CHC will be in a few months!

Friday, 1 August 2008

George Foulkes

Oh George. George, george, george. Where are you going with this one dear boy?

A suitable question in the interests of the great Scottish public? Or a rather desperate and partisan attempt at using the lowest form of Politics to throw some mud the Government's way?

You decide. I have already though, hence its inclusion in the Crap Holyrood Chat vaults...

S3W-15285 - George Foulkes (Lothians) (Lab) (Date Lodged Thursday, July 31, 2008): To ask the Scottish Executive what proposals it has considered for an Islam fest; what assurances have been given that such an event will not be used for racist or extreme political propaganda, and what financial assistance has been sought or granted for such an event.

Monday, 28 July 2008

Wendy Alexander - Hungry Caterpillar

It doesn't really matter what the context this, but this faithful quote alone is enough for Wendy Alexander to find herself added to the Crap Holyrood Chat vaults.

"On Saturday he ate through one piece of chocolate cake, one ice-cream cone, one pickle, one slice of Swiss cheese, one slice of salami, one lollipop, one piece of cherry pie, one sausage, one cupcake, and one slice of watermelon."

In case this is the first time you've heard about it, this occurred during First Minister's Question. Believe it or not.

Wednesday, 23 July 2008

Christine Grahame - Bah Humbug

Ho, ho, ho....

S1M-3578# Christine Grahame: Bah Humbug-That the Parliament notes that the advertising, promotion and sale of Christmas as a commercial calendar event is now encroaching earlier and earlier in the year and that such activities put unacceptable pressures particularly on parents with young children, leading some understandably into financial difficulties; further notes that retail staff and shoppers are subjected to endless jingles before even Halloween masks have been reduced to half price and pumpkins are buy one get six free, and therefore urges the Scottish Executive to take such steps as are required to consign Christmas to where it belongs, no earlier than the month of December.

Supported by: Mr John McAllion, Mr Jamie Stone, Margaret Smith, Michael Matheson, Robin Harper*

Murdo Fraser - Too Much Wind

A somewhat bizarre motion from Murdo, tabled in 2005:

S2M-2365 Murdo Fraser: Wind Farm on Salisbury Crags —That the Parliament welcomes the proposal by Calton Hill Energy to construct a wind farm on Salisbury Crags in Edinburgh and the contribution that this proposal will make to public attitudes in the city towards onshore wind turbine developments; agrees that it makes sense to construct wind turbines close to areas of population density where most power is consumed rather than in remote and rural areas; looks forward to seeing proposals for the construction of wind turbines on the roofs of prominent Edinburgh buildings such as Edinburgh Castle, St Giles, the Balmoral Hotel and the Palace of Holyroodhouse, and believes that the Scottish Parliamentary Corporate Body should investigate the possibility of erecting 125-metre-high turbines on the roof of the Holyrood building.

Supported by: Alex Johnstone, Mr David Davidson, David Mundell, Lord James Douglas-Hamilton, Mr Brian Monteith*

Tuesday, 22 July 2008

George Foulkes - Serial offender

Let's be honest, an entry from George Foulkes was always on the cards....

Scottish Parliament written answers — First Minister: First Minister (18 Jun 2008)
George Foulkes: To ask the Scottish Executive when it expects the First Minister to take his first journey by train since his appointment.

This is perhaps the most pointless and (clearly) partisan question that I saw George Foulkes had asked of the 30 questions that I looked through from the good Lord.

And over what timescale have these 30 entries amassed? An elected MSP would have that many questions for the Government over what, a year? 6 months? Maybe even 3 months?

No, 11 days.

George Foulkes asked 30 questions of the Scottish Government between 16th June 2008 and 27th June 2008. And that was just the random part of the year that I landed on so is probably not even a special case.

I'm surprised the Scottish Government manages to get anything else done!

Crap chat m'Lord, get your manor in order...

Monday, 21 July 2008

Shirley-Anne Somerville and Pauline McNeill

Well, the chat here I think is perfectly valid but since it gives the chance to get 2 more names on the tag list I thought I'd go for it.

The reason for the posting is there is some sort of irony that these two worthy motions ended up beside each other on the motions list.

One, without argument, is more worthy than the other....

S3M-1370 Shirley-Anne Somerville: Put Edinburgh on the Global Monopoly Board—That the Parliament notes that Hasbro, the maker of Monopoly, is making a global edition of the popular board game; backs the campaign by Edinburgh residents to see Scotland’s capital city included on the board; further notes that, on account of its popularity with residents, tourists and travel writers, Edinburgh is one of the 68 worldwide cities being considered for the global board, and encourages all those who want to see Edinburgh included to vote for the city on the monopoly website before voting closes on 29 February 2008.

Supported by: Alasdair Allan, Christine Grahame, George Foulkes, Rob Gibson, Ian McKee, Bashir Ahmad, Stuart McMillan, Bill Kidd, Jamie Hepburn, Gil Paterson

S3M-1369 Pauline McNeill: The Continuing Humanitarian Crisis in the Gaza Strip—That the Parliament expresses its continuing concern about the ongoing blockade of Gaza and the Israeli Government’s decision to begin reducing the electricity supply to 1.5 million Palestinians, including children and innocent civilians, many of whom already live in poverty,

I wonder if Palestine will scrape onto the Hasbro board as Old Kent Road? Or will Israel get involved on the 'Free Parking' slot? (think about it....)

Back on track - John Lamont

As anyone who has read Lord of the Flies or Animal Farm (or been a member of a Scottish Socialist party) will know, to be part of a collective is no easy task. Eventually, the subtle differences in the aims of those who are involved diverge, some feel they are more equal than others and the project inevitably becomes pulled apart at the seams.

Well, thanks to the many authors of this blog and the recent posts that have strayed dramatically from the original mission statement, the mighty Crap Holyrood Chat blog has seen its numbers plummet and has skated narrowly close to the plight of ruin and ridicule.
So, I have metaphorically grabbed the conch and am getting things back on track, 'pruning' posts that I feel were not part of the CHC remit and reinforcing the raison d'etre of what this blog is about:
Per CHC Mission Statement: The time is therefore right to publicly humiliate any MSP who brings "crap chat" to the chamber. We need these people to feel the fire of the electorate beneath their feet and if they can't bring the quality and the professionalism to the job, then they shall be turfed out at the next election in favour of an eloquent, capable woman or man who can do the job instead.

No more the tawdry suggestions of sex stories, no more the partisan cat-calling of who was campaigning where in Glasgow East and, dear God, no more the inane tale of the Holyrood Mars Bar cake.

Instead, dear reader(s), I give you Voytek the Bear.

S3M-1262 John Lamont: Voytek the Bear—That the Parliament endorses the campaign to give proper recognition to Voytek the "Soldier Bear", who served in the Polish army during the Second World War and was billeted near Hutton in Berwickshire before retiring to Edinburgh Zoo; recognises the affection with which he was held by his comrades, and urges MSPs to support efforts to secure a permanent memorial to an unlikely war hero.

Let there be no mistake, I don't care how cute or brave this bear might have been, this is solid gold Crap Holyrood Chat.

Shall I name names?

Which senior MSP blotched his copybook in front of a group of researchers in the Parliament canteen by explaining to them that the Tories picked the wrong candidate in the Glasgow by-election as “a coloured candidate was never going to work in Glasgow East.”

Wednesday, 16 July 2008

Rumbles the abstainer attacks abstaining

In his platform piece in yesterday’s Scotsman ‘change rather than continuity is the way ahead for Lib Dems’ Mike Rumbles attacked the stance that the Lib Dems took in the budget debate (as well in the majority of debates on various issues) in abstaining in the final vote.

I guess Mr Rumbles is just putting across his firebrand credentials whilst trying to convince Lib Dem voters that if they want a change then he is their man. It is interesting to note, however, that when it came down to voting in the Budget instead of following the lead of Cathie Craigie in voting against the budget, Mr Rumbles meekly abstained in the vote.

Words are all fine and well Mr Rumbles but we’ve seen very little in the way of actual action to back them up.

Tuesday, 15 July 2008

Lib Demery

Your friends at Crap Holyrood chat have, mainly due to the boredom and monotony associated with recess, taken an interest in the Lib Dem leadership. Far from us to dismiss it as nothing more than the fourth party of Scottish Politics choosing someone else to lead them into electoral oblivion, instead I think a wee look at the runners and riders would be far more entertaining (ahem)

Ross Finnie.

The Captain Mainwaring of Scottish Politics (aesthetically anyway) was the second man to throw his hat into that ring. I’d love to list the many great things that he has done, instead I’ll leave Jim Tolson MSP, on Ross Finnie's Facebook group, to explain why all Lib Dems should vote for Finnie… Here goes:


Since being elected to the Scottish Parliament in May 2007 I have worked closely with all candidates.

Having spoken to each candidate at length each has their own distinct qualities but in my opinion Ross Finnie is the best Candidate of all three for the Job because;

-Ross has the greatest ministerial experience and was the most respected and longest serving minister of all the candidates.

-Ross is a tactful and thoughtful politician that has worked hard to enhance the reputation of the Scottish Liberal Democrat Party.

-Ross engages with fellow MSPs and staff alike.

-Ross displays great leadership qualities- giving direction and always providing support when needed.

-Ross cares passionately about people and politics, knowing that neither is mutually exclusive.

-Ross is a very well schooled and knowledgeable politician which he has shown in his ministerial and shadow cabinet duties.

Vote Ross Finnie for Leader!

Jim Tolson MSP

Thoroughly lovely Jim. Frankly a bit on the gushing side and makes you sound a bit like someone that wets the bed but yeah, lovely none the less.

Mike ‘Rumble in the Jungle’ Rumbles

The man that inspired Ant and Dec to write ‘Let’s get ready to Rumble’ not long after one of them was blinded in a harrowing paint ball incident in Byker Grove, was the first to announce that he fancied the gig of being Lib Dem leader. Mikey also appears to have not only one Facebook group dedicated to his dream of being leader, he has two! Saying that, one seems in jest. Also, a look through the members of the group makes for interesting reading, not quite as interesting as the list for those who haven’t yet replied including Chris Huhne, Nick Clegg and Ming Campbell – so it seems that Grumbles doesn’t have the backing of the high heidiens of the party…well…not on Facebook anyway.

And finally….

Tavish Scott

Seems the front runner at present. Don’t have that much to say about him other than he likes dressing up as a Viking. Fair play to him. Also, he apparently has the backing of 6 MSPs at the moment, clearly favourite to win it then and I've now stopped caring.

Anyone have any thoughts? Anyone care?

Monday, 14 July 2008

Kenneth Gibson, Robert Brown and Margaret Curran

Well, not content with contending the Glasgow East by-election and putting together a potential challenge for the Labour leadership, Margaret Curran has also found the time to positively skewer Kenny Gibson for some Crap Holyrood Chat. Indeed, this was the inaugural Crap Holyrood Chat if memory serves correctly.

Margaret was assisted to this end by Robert Brown. The Labour / Lib Dem coalition lives on!

Original Motion
S3M-02296 Kenneth Gibson (Cunninghame North) (Scottish National Party): Glasgow East By-Election That the Parliament condemns the Labour Party for its decision to call the Glasgow East by-election on 24 July 2008 in the middle of the Glasgow Fair, when Glaswegians are traditionally on holiday; is aware that such a decision will disenfranchise thousands of voters who will be unable to secure a postal or proxy vote in a constituency that already has a history of low electoral turnouts; believes that Labour’s decision to call the by-election so quickly is due to a chronic fear of the SNP winning one of its safest seats; considers that calling a by-election so swiftly does not allow voters time to effectively assess the merits of individual candidates and policies, and is of the view that for the democratic process to work effectively by-elections should be held not less than eight weeks after the writ is moved.
Supported by: Stuart McMillan, Keith Brown, Christina McKelvie, Bashir Ahmad Lodged on Wednesday, July 02, 2008;

S3M-02296.1 Robert Brown (Glasgow) (Scottish Liberal Democrats): Glasgow East By-Election— As an amendment to motion S3M-2296 in the name of Kenneth Gibson (Glasgow East By-Election), leave out from “believes that Labour’s” to end and insert “notes, however, the SNP’s poor electoral record in Westminster elections and that the Liberal Democrats are the challengers to Labour in Scotland at that level, with 12 seats to the SNP’s six and with the most recent by-election gain in Scotland being by the Liberal Democrats at Dunfermline and West Fife; further notes that the SNP is in any event largely irrelevant in Westminster elections, with one of their most senior MPs hardly ever in attendance, and believes that the electorate in Glasgow East is more than capable of identifying both the failures of the Labour Government at Westminster and the many u-turns and broken promises that are the hallmark of the SNP government, including those on class sizes, police numbers, student debt, first-time buyer grants and slashed support for Glasgow Science Centre.”Supported by: Ross Finnie, Hugh O'Donnell, Tavish Scott, Mike Pringle Lodged on Thursday, July 03, 2008;

S3M-02296 S3M-02296.2 Margaret Curran (Glasgow Baillieston) (Scottish Labour): Glasgow East By-Election— As an amendment to motion S3M-2296 in the name of Kenneth Gibson (Glasgow East By-Election), leave out from “condemns” to end and insert “notes that if a by-election is not held in Glasgow East now, the earliest that the rules permit a by-election to be held is at the end of October 2008; notes that when an MP resigns, a writ for a by-election cannot be moved during the summer, unlike when an MP dies or is elevated to the peerage; believes that the people of Glasgow East should not go without a voice for four months; supports the decision to call a by-election now, and condemns the SNP for trying to deny the people of Glasgow East a voice until the end of October.”